You might be a grunt if...

I have published this in many places, but thought now would be a good time to put it forth once more.

GRUNT

A few years ago, Jeff Foxworthy had some fun with a cultural background he simply classified as redneck.  Having spent 20 years in the Marine Infantry, I offer a similar perspective on that calling simply know as grunt.

You might be a grunt if…

You can't make sense of any of the abbreviations used by the New York Stock Exchange, but know by heart the trading value of every component of a C-Ration or MRE.

When buying a new house, your first examine fields of fire and dead space in the front yard.

Within two hours of moving into a new home, you post a fire plan sketch in the kitchen, master bedroom, and forward one to the commanding officer of your new duty station.

During a chance encounter with homeless people, you find yourself leading the discussion on the insulation value of cardboard.

You still carry a John Wayne (P-38) around your neck.

Packing for a trip always involves toilet paper, even when traveling by air.

You mentally map out avenues of approach when viewing a painting of a landscape.

Your doodling consists of big blue arrows, primary and alternate positions, and barrier plans.

In the course of making peanut butter sandwiches for the kids, you find yourself giving a lecture on how to mark a landing zone by lighting C-Ration peanut butter.

Your Y2K contingency plan was a case of MREs and some heat tabs.

You have told your kids to muster in the den in 10 minutes for a frag order and they know what you're talking about.

You have an E-tool in the garage.

When you catch the neighborhood kids digging in your yard, you take your turn and transition into a class on aiming stakes and grenade sumps.

The neighborhood kids have all gone home and your are left to dig the supplemental positions by yourself.

Your write off 18 holes of golf as terrain appreciation.

When looking for a street address, you assign your family sectors of observation.

Punishment for your kids involves words like restriction, forfeiture of pay, and EPD instead of grounded and no allowance.

You have busted your kids back to Private at least once.

When escorting your child's class on a field trip, you have everyone side step through the chow line.

You have deadlined your wife's car for going beyond the recommended oil change mileage.

You describe a West Texas Dust Storm as good obscuration.

When passing a large open area, you automatically look overhead for power lines that could obstruct its use as a landing zone.

Your kids all have liberty cards, and they have been pulled many times.

You have recommended that proficiency and conduct marks replace the standard grading system in public schools.

You keep your important papers in an old ammo can.

When walking by discarded boxes, you can immediately spot those that would work as a field expedient head.

You can make a sentence out of nothing but acronyms.

You can conjugate every acronym that you use.

Your daughter knows that ear rings are not an authorized component of an acceptable date.

Every family member on your table of organization conducts a monthly inventory of their table of equipment.

Your kids know how to fill out a missing gear statement.

You consider the X-Files to be mundane compared to the stories you have heard at non-judicial punishment.

You have referred to your wife as the XO or the Gunny.

The neighborhood kids ask you for a class on camouflage and concealment before they play hide and seek.

Your son borrows your camouflage utilities before playing hide and seek with the neighborhood kids, and knows to take the fluff dried ones to better break up his outline.

When you explain what you did in the Corps, you just say grunt and expect everyone to know what you're talking about.  Why wouldn't they?